Life is complicated. Life brings in relationships that help you grow as an individual and prepare you for the bigger picture. Life teaches you to value yourself. Life throws curveballs at you, that have more significance than we can ever imagine.
I’ve been suffering from a troublesome relationship with food since I was about 11 or even younger. That with a very low self-esteem created a very unpleasant love/hate relationship with myself.
I’ve been trying to find a way to make peace with myself as well as food for many years now. The real healing process started when I realized that food isn’t a person and doesn’t hold any emotion. Food is just a substance to feed and nourish our bodies, food isn’t sad, or happy, it isn’t bad or evil. Food is just food.
Life is life, I cannot control what happens and cannot navigate the future, I can only find ways to approach the situations that are placed out in front of me. I work hard every day to improve my relationship with myself as well as accepting food as what it is. Even though I work on this daily I still have off days just like everyone else.
Sometimes those rocky, rainy days turn into days that my strength isn’t enough and I fall down. Getting up is what matters, not the mistake I think I created when I fell.
I have learned with time and lots of tears that the mistakes we think are just mistakes are at the end different strides of colors needed to add definition to our vibrant coloring book called life.
Last week was a demanding week for me. I was fixated on a number. Even though I’ve been told time and time again that the numbers on the scale are just numbers, this time around it found a way to crawl into my head and move some boxes of feelings around. I didn’t realize just how much it had really affected me until I was on the floor crying, shaking after the outcome of my fall.
The days following my slip up made it painful for me to look at myself. I kept brutally punishing myself for what had happened. The moment I talked about the episode instead of shoving it into the very large box in my brain that occupies emotions and events I am not willing to deal with, I realized that at the end sh*t happens, there’s no other way to put. It just does.
I’ve been back on 4-5 small meals a day, its much more manageable than 3 large ones.
I’m not focusing on exercising rather doing more physical activities that fulfill me in a whole hearted way.
Along with that I am focusing on small coping skills that create more inner peace, like my gratitude journal, my personal daily journal plus mediating before bed.
I know this isn’t my normal recipe post but I think its important to address these types of situations and issues as well as acknowledge life isn’t perfect. It’s okay to fall down the important part is getting up and finding a way to smile and move on. Trust me I know its easier said than done, just remember that that this will make you stronger. In a couple weeks I plan to write a post on how much my life has changed since I incorporated a daily personal journal along with gratitude journal.
We are all beautiful inside and out. Have a beautiful day.
Lots of love.