What It Feels Like to Lose a Friend to Suicide

What It Feels Like to Lose a Friend to Suicide

Like most of our classmates, I was heartbroken when I heard what happened.

And like many, I was confused about what brought her to this decision.

It’s hard to explain that kind of loss or describe the unavoidable hole that is left behind. It’s hard to bring to light all those lingering emotions that only time can heal. It’s hard to express the sadness behind your eyes, the haunting words that never truly leave you.

But you can try.

When you lose a friend to suicide you feel, guilty, full of questions that will remain unanswered and were never yours to ask.

At first, I heard she had passed, and while it was difficult to face, it wasn’t until I learned of her pain that the emotions started to run through me.

It opened up old wounds and brought me back to a time I try very hard to ignore. When I myself was in a dark place and thought about ending my life was the only option. 

It attaches to you like a leech.

Suicide happens all the time, but that doesn’t mean the news ever feels any less impactful. Each time I hear of someone taking his or her life it truly brings my emotions to the surface when news hit that Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain took their lives it woke up something in me. Learning that a friend of over 14 years had committed the same act is a whole other level of emotions.

There aren’t enough words to describe the empty, almost drowning feeling I have so I thought I would share a few stories of my childhood with this beautiful soul.

Sometimes you meet people and they are in your life forever and sometimes they leave a little sooner than expected. In this case a lot sooner, as I spoke to a friend yesterday I literally said, we aren’t even 30 yet, I mean we are just starting to become adults. As stupid and ignorant as this might sound the truth is, she left us way too young and while it saddens me, I am happy you are no longer suffering.

Lizzie Liz this is for you.

It truly saddens me to write this, I honestly cannot believe your gone. Somehow I feel like you are with me as I write this, holding me telling me that it’s okay and that you are no longer hurting. Letting me know that you are roaming some beach somewhere in Portugal eating mango and living a carefree life. I also feel like you are telling me that I need to keep my promise and do something meaningful with my life, helping and inspiring others with my story and now yours. I love you and cannot thank you enough for the friendship of over 14 years you gave me. 

If you or someone you know needs help PLEASE reach out for help, call the suicide prevention lifeline or get professional help: PLEASE call 1-800-273-8255

Andrea Broom

Hi! I'm Andrea. A girl who loves her chocolate as much as her greens.

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