WHAT A BROKEN HEART TAUGHT ME + WHY THEY ARE GREAT FOR MENTAL HEALTH
Growing up my mom would tell me there were a time and place for everything. She also said that in order to fall in love, one needs to learn the importance of self-love.
At fifteen I had no idea what she meant.
Boys came in and out of my life and somehow those words that didn’t make sense before were starting to haunt me.
As the years passed, the same conversation I had with my mom, many moons ago was zipping in and out of my mind.
The day I finally fell in love, the kind of love that I never believed in was the day I finally understood what my mom was saying all this time. The day he broke my heart was the day it made sense and that day I chose myself before anyone else.
I am a true believer that everything in life happens for a reason. I wasn’t always like this, I used to think that things just happened because. I was always trying to find out the ‘why’ aspect and when I finally learned to accept that the universe gives us exactly what we ask for, just not when we want it… I realized that sometimes things happen and we won’t always have the answers we so seek.
While all of my friends would dream of love and their perfect dream wedding, I would imagine the bed and breakfast I wanted in a small town in Connecticut. I would plan out menus and what the rooms would look like, as my friends would plan out their perfect ideal dresses along with their destination weddings.
I didn’t believe in love. I couldn’t. My dad had cheated on my mom. My grandpa had cheated on my grandma and every male figure in my life followed in those steps all but one, my little brother.
A few years ago I was sitting with a friend and we made our intentions list, the dreams, and goals we wanted from the year to come. What we wanted to accomplish, in our personal life, career and more.
I had been off my medication for a year and a half now and I wanted to start experiencing more. I wanted to feel more. I wanted to take advantage of the second chance I was given.
I wrote that I wanted to fall in love, the kind of love that leaves you breathless, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat when they call or look at you. The kind of love that only happens once. The one my mom had felt for my dad even though they didn’t work out.
I was given exactly what I asked for. While the situation was not ideal, I couldn’t breathe when I was around him at first. My heart would speed up when he spoke and the second he would touch me I felt like I was flying.
I sometimes think that it was the most closet feeling of mania, since being off my medication and balanced.
While it didn’t work out and I suffered greatly because of it, I did finally learn what my mom was saying for so many years. I finally understood why it was important to love myself, to like spending time with me and taking myself out.
When my heart broke, I lost a little piece of me. I was angry, frustrated, felt stupid beyond belief. I didn’t understand why this was happening.
I was moving to New Mexico in less than five months, the thing was I couldn’t stand being around him. I was in so much pain, it was this intense physical and emotional one. My heart actually ached. I felt like I was broken. I felt a little lost, even though I was finally for the first time doing something for me. I was moving to New Mexico from Panama so that I could pursue my dream of blogging and changing lives. I want to make a difference, yet I was confused with my path.
I told my mom that my flight had to be changed, I needed to leave now. She questioned if I was running away and I told her that it was running away from a problem I was running away from the pain.
I honestly feel like I have the best mom in the world she did everything she could so that I could leave the first month of the year, four months before my original plan.
I left the country that had been my home for over ten years and came back to the one I had left so many years before.
I was on my own for the first time in years and had to learn to depend on myself for everything. I had moved away from my family and friends and security blanket to a strange city.
I lost myself in blogging, nature, and yoga. Writing had always been therapeutic to me and finding a way to connect with my emotions on a deeper level was an amazing feeling. Yoga helped me with patience, self-love and more. Nature brought me peace, some sort of calming effect and a way to connect with the world in a more organic way.
My Friday evenings were now dedicated to browsing the aisle at Whole Foods until my heart was content. I took myself out to dinner once a week took daily walks in the afternoon and made Sunday night dinners. Learned to appreciate quiet time.
I found an inner peace I didn’t even know I was looking for, I learned to love myself and realized that a broken heart had taught me something my mom was trying to teach me for years.
I do want to find my Chandler to my Monica and find someone that loves me for me, I’m also really happy with where I am in life. I enjoy my time alone and have realized the relationship I have with myself is more important than any other one.
I have learned that being lonely doesn’t necessarily mean you are alone, you can feel alone in a room full of people, learning to enjoy myself has also been great in more ways than I could ever describe.
I look forward to the little things in life. I appreciate every moment and realize that everything in this world happens for a reason and we just have to find our way.
The universe is here to teach us about ourselves, the universe gives us as much as we can handle, nothing more and nothing less.
So what did I learn? I learned that in relationships one person cannot love the other one more because, in the long run, that person will suffer. I learned that if you enjoy being alone with your own thoughts then if your partner is busy or doing their own thing that day you won’t feel abandoned. I learned that we all need our time and space and it’s perfectly okay.
It turns out my momma was right, you do need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.
What are your thoughts.? Do you agree with my mom? Or do you think there is more to it than this? Share your thoughts babes, totally wanna see your point a view. Leave a comment below or send me an email.
I hope you all have a wonderful day, LOVE you tons.
Andrea.
Loved the article. Never read a blog talking about such issues before. Helped me relate to heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Glad you found it useful!
Thanks for sharing your story about heart break and disappointment Andrea. Yes, your mom was right. We do need to love ourselves before we can love anyone else. When you develop such confidence, then you can truly be patient with yourself and other people. So glad to find another mental health blogger. I enjoyed reading this piece.
Aw thanks Daisi! It is so amazing to be able to connect with others in the mental health community.
Totally agree. When you learn to love yourself unconditionally, accept who you are, and be grateful for everything, all things come into place and you will be more than ready to share that love with another person.
I truly agree with what you just said 🙂
This is a great article and I enjoyed reading it. Yes, I think your Mom was right! Self love is so important.
A lot of growing happens with a broken heart. They suck but they serve a purpose!
Finding innner peace after a break upis truly free.Moms are always right, at least my mom is. I appreciate her advice, sometimes it taks a whleto sync in. I really enjoyed reading this.
it really is an amazing feeling!
Girl, YOU GOT THIS. Literally, every girl needs to read thhis. http://www.chelsya.com
aw thanks so much babe! MADE my day
What a great post, it’s always important to learn and grow from our experiences, no matter how difficult
thanks so much sam! we def do grow from each one.
This is beautiful, it is so true! Way to grow and reflect!
thank you so much lydia!
I completely agree! You do have to love (or at least, like) yourself before you can consider giving those emotions away to someone else. Two broken people do not make a whole. I have a son now and it is an easy, unconditional love. The purest love you will find. Now, this relationship has made me better myself and I feel like I’m finally in a place for a relationship. Funny that, no? I’m definitely not perfect (and never will be) but I’m happy with who I am…and that is the important part 🙂
xo, Victoria
yessss. so true.
I agree! Kind of. I definitely didn’t love myself when I had my son…and he has changed that. It is definitely a different love. Unconditional. Pure. But he has made me want to be a better person and I finally feel like I’m in a better place and ready to be in a relationship. Funny how that happens, no?
that is so amazing victoria! thank you so much for sharing with us something so personal. it is funny how unexpected experiences in life can change us.