Happy Thursday my lovelies!
I actually want to talk about something super important to me and that’s being comfortable in your own skin and comfortable in what you are wearing!
When my eating disorder was at it’s worst, going shopping was the worst thing in ever, I would cry in the dressing room because even when I was at my lowest weight I was still miserable and nothing ever seemed to fit right. I think I always thought I would eventually loose enough weight, the problem is, it was never enough. I was never skinny enough, even when I was at 95 lbs I still wasn’t happy with the person I saw in the mirror. Size zero was no longer the goal, I still saw fat everywhere, my sickness was at full swing and no matter what people told me.
When I first started treating my manic depressive at 18 I wouldn’t let myself gain weight and since one of the biggest side effects was weight gain, I was even more strict with my eating. I would live in the gym and of course it was easier at the time because things weren’t at their worst. When I finally hit the point where my mania wasn’t just a mania but also filled with psychotic episodes, I was so in and out of my own mind that the weight gain eventually came and in less than six months I gained over 80 lbs.
I was then put on medication for high blood pressure, high blood sugar and more. It was a crazy amount of weight to gain and for someone who never weighed more than 108 lb. it was very hard pill to swallow.
When I would come out of my crazy filled episodes I would try to restrict, the problem was with the medication, the horrible weight loss techniques I had learned at a young age were no longer working. My boobs were huge and finding a bra was the worst, I was at lowest with myself esteem and I really hated taking pictures, going out and basically being social. I was in a very unhealthy place in my life both mentally and physically.
When I started treating my manic depressive illness in a more holistic way, my eating disorder came out again and I finally decided that I need to find a way to mend my relationship with food and myself.
While I still think its a work in process because we all have bad days, my relationship with food is finally in a healthy place.
When I was packing for my move to Albuquerque from Panama, I knew that I didn’t want to pay hundreds and hundreds of dollars in excess package so I started to clean out my closet and truly keep what I really wore and what made me feel my best.
I wanted to keep the clothes that made me truly happy and didn’t bring out any negative thoughts.
So what is my lifestyle in clothing form?
I am all about feeling, comfortable, cozy, and me. I want to be able to wear clothes that can take me from my kitchen, to the park for some yoga or even Whole Foods, cause you babes know how much I LOVE going to grocery store.
I live in leggings, they make me feel my best and just my switching up the top I can go from going out for a walk or run to getting some matcha with a couple friends.
I realized that even before I cleaned out my closet I still pretty much lived in yoga pants, my closet is filled with them.
I love layers, it comes with my love for the colder months of the year. While I know people crave the summer months, I crave fall and winter. I’m at my happiest with the leaves falling and being able to wear boots and tennis shoes.
I have like two pair of heels, a couple sandals and the rest are sneakers and boots. NOT kidding. LOL.
I keep my layers lighter in the spring and summer time. I stick to light cotton or hemp tops and add a light jean jacket to just about all of my outfits.
I stick to darker colors, like black, blue, different shades of grey because they are easier to dress with, at least for me. I have a couple pieces of bright colors like sweaters or maybe a scarf that will brighten up my outfit.
I stopped wearing bras for a month earlier this year and it totally shot my confidence through the roof. I realize that the majority of people didn’t realize I wasn’t wearing one and the ones that did, well it wasn’t like I was freeing the nipple in public. Which BTW if you wanna do, BRING it.
I now stick to wearing sport bras pretty much all the time. I feel more comfortable in them and just switch up the style depending on what the shirt is.
I recently started getting cropped shirts and while before I wouldn’t go near them because they triggered negative energy and thoughts, since I started doing yoga I am more acceptive of my body and whatever flaws I think I might have.
I am much more respectful of my body and don’t criticize it like I did before.
This way of dressing and just thinking about clothes has really changed my perspective with the way I view myself and myself esteem.
Whether you are trying to make your own passion happen or live a more successful life, it’s important to feel comfortable in what you are wearing!
What do you feel comfortable in?